Roasted Bins & Some Wicked Cheese!!

It’s been a while since I managed to drop in some lines here! I had been busy. Busy with a lot of stuffs actually; like the treadmill with Sunday’s beans and etc. Stuffs like these kept me busy…real busy!!

Saturdays too have changed a lot. It used to be more vibrant with loads of colors, air, and mints. It now drained into a vacuum with a peephole that passes the air. Even the wasabi flavored nuts are no match for this evil.  Even so, I am walking along the pathway to heed into a new venture…a new way of life to change the trajectory of time. I commenced into nothing to create (almost) everything!

Mixed feelings are running array in this December. It’s not nostalgic, yet its bringing out a lot of sacred memories. Fagging at time out, driving through the dark clouds of highways, and drinking “rong cha” after the basketball games…they all are coming back.

But again, this is life. We move on to newer and better things. We lose companionship of many; and yet, meet new ones almost daily. The sun is not dying, it’s the mist that is covering up it’s glaze.

Till the time I see the sun again…sio-nara!

Lilac Dreams & Some roasted beans!

Life is not fair. I have heard this phrase for over a million times, I guess. A lot of my close ones pointed it out during several heated discussions. I get that. But, what I don’t get is why we can’t make it fair? Why do we always have to fight or have to be aggressive or violent to prove it? I think that we can always divert our anger, and frustration through more meaningful and applicable mediums; and that is also why I believe that I can make life fair.

Being a banker gives you a lot of benefit. Again, all of those benefits come with a saggy bag of headaches. You don’t have time, you don’t have the energy, and/or you don’t even have the passion to go through another heated, under-defined conversation at out of office. Yet, you come home to find that the lucrative serenity is most of the time thrown out of the window. You suddenly don’t find any difference between your home and your office. Everyone is shouting to the top of their voice, you are still buttering up people so that you can at least have that last piece of cake, and above all, your eyebrows are still plugged together with tension of the unknown, tension of failing again, and tension of another unwanted cyclone in your personal space.

Funny part is that all of them expect you to ask how their day went by, that you would solve all of their problems, but no one asks you the same. No one bothers about what problems did you face in your work, was it tough to arrange to do the dirty dishes of your bosses. No, nobody bothers to do that.

Everyone seems to blame you for all of their troubles, everyone seems to want all of your meat, and even if you give all of it, they don’t even let you get a good night’s sleep.

Life is not fair. Everyone says that. But how many of them do truly experience that should be the question. As a banker, we manage things. We love to talk out the problem to reach a solution. We don’t shout, we don’t fight, and most importantly, we remain patient. We try to make things fair, and to, almost, make life fair. But one way or another, the opportunity is taken away from us all the time.

Yet, we strive forward; at least for a good night’s sleep.

Nics & Caffeine [v.2]

Well, it’s taking one pack a day! I can’t tolerate the stigma of not being able to do a thing to change that bloody thing anymore. The lines may sound superficial and stupid, but they are true. I am not being a punk; rather I’m expressing myself out as loud as I can!

Life is short: everyone knows that. But I am not convinced. I want it to be shorter. I want to get this over with. I don’t fear death, but I want to embrace it to finally set an end to this rubbish.

I hate myself. I do. I did not think that I would ever say that, but it’s getting quite unbearable. One text after another, one call after another…I mean common, give it a rest. But no, it’s me, and hence, it has to be as bad as Steven Seagal’s beard. I give up!

I am not rambling my way out anymore. I want closure, and I want it now.

The Silent Pause

Regardless of what you think, or aspire, things don’t really turn out the way you want them to be. In real life, there is no fairy tale love stories, but there are love stories with pain and struggles. In a banker’s life, things don’t really link up to only professional hazards, but to personal life also. In fact, the more you think, the more you can relate the hazards to personal life.

Does a banker really have a personal life? Well, the more we strive to create a successful professional life, the greater we strive to sustain a stable personal life. Time is a big factor; so is external and internal catalysts. As a banker, you control the catalyst in your professional life or at least try to. But the more you concentrate on them, the more you lose focus on your personal life. The catalysts like your mom, your family may well be on the way of screwing your personal life. You don’t really have control over those as you don’t spend that much of time focusing on them.

Regardless of these constrain, as a banker, as a family guy, you strive on and on to make balance. You fail, but again, you try. You try to make things right. This habit can be traced back to your professional life’s practice, but again, this is always an inherent attribute of yourself. A banker means security, soundness of decisions, and most importantly balance. May be these will be enough to sort things out in the long run. Patience is all we need to wait for that time.

Nics & Caffeine

Well, its finally time to close the chapter on SCB. I am going to submit everything (well things that are given to me by SCB) to HR Delivery on tomorrow. I feel kind of relieved, satisfied, and yet nostalgic. I know that I have so little to remember about this company, but I will miss some of it. My first desk, my first chair, my first client…all are coming back to me. My first boss (who was terrific by the way), my first loan, my first a/c opening…everything will remain with my memory.

I know that I am still not out of the company, but hey, without the IDs and laptops, you are really not there even though you might be there. It’s a weird feeling! But yet, it’s amazing to feel this way. I feel good, free of tension, and free of targets.

My new company will definitely sort out the clouds and set newer heights for me to reach, but again, that’s part of life. I am ready to move on, and to move on to a better deal. Yes, it might be tough at first, but hey, isn’t everything like that?

July 5, 2009- August 31, 2011: Closing the chapter, yes I am!